finals is fast approaching...
actually, it's more like i'm being dragged to my appointment with the guillotine... just follow the heel tracks..
(doesn't that paint a pretty picture?? oh the visuals in my little head..)

one last chance at experiencing the free world..
i'm going to the zoo tomorrow for a few hours..
if it rains, screw it.. i'm still going...
besides, what are umbrellas for???

arrrggghhh.. i hate it when i wake up minutes before my alarm clock..
to rob myself of those last precious minutes of sleep is preposterous..
grrrr..

some days i just want to forget that the world exists
and curl up into a tiny little ball..

stress makes my tummy hurt..
i'm surprised i don't have an ulcer..
breathe in...
breathe out...

ever since moving to oregon/vancouver i never made an effort to make friends..
i thought, i've already got the greatest friends, why would i need more?
but more came..

yesterday, a dear friend graduated from pnca
twas a lovely affair... a full house, inspiring speakers, and free food~
once again, i played the role of supportive friend..
taking pictures, holding flowers, guarding bags, and taking more pictures..
but hey, i'll do just about anything for free food..
except for sleep with someone..

and i digress..
the 2004 senior thesis exhibition is currently on display downtown at the cornelia & william t.c. stevens studios (if u get to main building, ask for the thesis annex)...
the exhibition is open tues - sat 11am-6pm through sat june 19th...
there's some really great art...
(pssst... look for esther lee's~)

i really should stop trying to help people,
when i'm a whole basketcase myself..
it's ridiculous..

three of my girlfriends from seattle came to visit yesterday..
it would be the first time in at least 3 years since i last saw them..
we had the best time ever..

had dim sum in chinatown, coffee in portland, shopping at woodburn..
it rained a little, but nothing was going to faze us..
laughing, taking pictures, and telling stories..
"great", "awesome", "wonderful"... they don't do this experience justice..
no word ever will..

from the moment we hugged hello, to the moment we hugged goodbye,
it was as if we didn't miss a beat..
i'm so grateful that i've been blessed with such friends..

"what is a friend? a single soul dwelling in two bodies."
-aristotle-

"without friends no one would choose to live, though he had all other goods"
-aristotle-

went and saw van helsing..
u know.. hugh jackman.. kate beckinsale..
it wasn't what i expected..
they turned vampires into dispassionate monsters..
but they did well in the special effects department..
all in all, i'd say this is one to rent..

i called someone of the male persuasion a jackass today..
and boy did it feel gooOOod..

driving along, singing a happy tune..
when mr jackass cuts me off..
but that wasn't wut pissed me off..no no no...
about 10 feet later, he decides he needs to come to a near stop and turn right..

so, i rolled down my passenger window..
and with the grace of one inflicted by tourette's, with every fiber in my being, i yelled, "jackass!!!!"
mr jackass did a double take..
and i went back to my happy song..

damn, that felt good..

things are pretty constant these days..
constantly busy, that is..
just keep swimming, just keep swimming..

television season finales are wrapping up..
angel is finished..
nothing more to watch than simpsons..
everything else is lame..

keeping my eye on a digital camera, but it costs almost $400..
anyone wanna make a donation?

found a new addiction... beads..
so many colors, so little time..

and bush is still the idiot son of an a**hole..
no big surprise there...

as everyone well knows,
there's been that tragedy with the train accident and explosion in north corea..
so far more than 160 dead and more than 1300 injured,
but that's only what they report..
they won't let anyone in to see the wreckage...

on top of that, they don't want relief coming by land..
they'd rather it come by sea...
some choice words that come to mind are: arrogant, asinine & suicidal..
(which reminds me of another "idiot son of an asshole", but that's for a different day..)

yes~, while my comrade is bleeding to death,
i can wait 2 days for his medical supplies rather than 4 hours...

why stress myself...
i don't need stress..
so, i've decided.. i'm going to audit that lame 8am linear algebra course..
i'd rather put more emphasis on this 10 page research essay..
and have fun learning about the gin craze and industrial revolution from dr fisher..

whew~ that's a load off my shoulders...

i finally fixed my uncle's computer..
fixed is an understatement.. i built him a brand-spankin new one..

rules of purchasing a computer:

#1. never ever purchase compaq
unless u get turned on by horrible customer service..
in which case, u are very sick and need help...
or unless u honestly didn't know any better..

sidenote: i don't know where they got it or why,
but their towers are a mod's nightmare.. *shudder*

more rules to come...

i never study for the first exam of the season...
my theory is that i'll be so upset about how bad i did
that it'll drive my inner obsessive compulsive bitch to do uber-well the rest of the term....
cuz god knows the carrot-on-a-stick tactic doesn't do shit..

if you haven't noticed..
not that i really believe anybody's reading this..
but i've been writing more often..
...
that is, more often than once a week
i guess i'm trying to be more productive..
i know i say i'm busy all the time, and i am..
but that doesn't mean i'm actually producing something of value..
there's one more notion to ponder... productivity vs busy-work
(and i just realized that that's been around for awhile..
we all know i'm a bit slow.. it's these damn short legs..)

meanwhile, this 8am class is kicking my ass
yes.. u read right... 8am...
it's enough that it's in the ante meridiem...
it's so early that it's at that point in my sleep cycle where i can hear & feel nothing,
including, but not limited to, my alarm clock, a rooster, and an earthquake..
i am so screwed

the thing i dislike about spring the most is daylight savings
it's awful..
some people may think that sleep is wasteful..
but sleep is the most peaceful and beautiful thing between today and tomorrow..

sometimes i think i was a vampire in my last lifetime

it's april already... start of a new month and spring is here..
back in february i sketched out a career plan..
i know, it's very unlike me to do this..
but i thought it'd be fun and actually it's surprising..

i made a few short term and long term goals..
so far, 4 out of the 6 goals are either in progress or complete..
... i'm feelin pretty damn good...

somewhere over the rainbow way up high
and the dreams that you dreamed of
once in a lullaby~
somewhere over the rainbow blue birds fly
and the dreams that you dreamed of
dreams really do come true

someday I'll wish upon a star
wake up where the clouds are far behind me
where trouble melts like lemon drops
high above the chimney tops thats where you'll find me

clementine: joel, i'm not a concept. too many guys think i'm a concept or i complete them or i'm going to make them alive, but i'm just a fucked up girl who is looking for my own peace of mind. don't assign me yours.

- eternal sunshine of the spotless mind

"how happy is the blameless vestal's lot!
the world forgetting, by the world forgot.
eternal sunshine of the spotless mind!
each pray'r accepted, and each wish resign'd;"

- excerpt from eloisa to abelard by alexander pope

a wonderful movie...
for the first time in a long time, whether we admit it or not, the relationships portrayed in this movie were real...
they weren't the glamorous, park avenue, rodeo drive, i-only-wear-versace sparkling successful people..
they were dirty and awkward... they were human...
thank you mr kaufman...

and the more i try to remember everything about the movie,
the more it triggers memories, ideas, and feelings about myself and my life...

go and watch it, if u haven't...
and if you haven't read the synopsis... don't.... just watch it...

"blessed are the forgetful: for they get the better even of their blunders..."

- beyond good and evil by friedrich wilhelm nietzsche

first it rained for 2 weeks straight...
then the butt rockets are out and about
and we just can't get enough of this sun
that blocks my view of the neighbor kids playing in my circle
which gives me an excuse to run them over with my car... =P

it's march already, papers & exams galore,
with a plethora of finals next week,
add to that, taxes are due..

dude, spring is just not my season...

99% of the people in my life are computer illiterate..
so i am their makeshift tech support..
at first i thot this was due to the fact that i don't charge them..

at the same time, i was glad cuz i believed they acknowledged and accepted my choice
to take a path other than med school..
and i try to be as friendly and open as possible...
explaining things in non-computer terms...and all sorts of ridiculous analogies, including cooking..

not to say that i talk down to them,
(cuz i realize i am no computer expert...
i'm more of a bridge connecting them to more experienced nerds who speak in binary code..)
i understand that they can be seen as complicated pieces of machinary..

but often times my frustration stems from people who won't even try to understand the answer...
after i'm done with my well-thought-out explanations (sometimes they're not even that patient..),
they repeat the question.... this time with fervor...
in the end i feel as if i relived the same 5 minutes over and over again...
therefore, they're not even questions...
they're actually complaints with question marks...

the more irritating folks give way to a strong desire to yell,
"yeah? well, maybe it's not ur box, maybe it was ur pea brain that let in that virus.... u don't open credit card solicitations from the mailbox, but yet u just can't resist the urge to double-click on that e-mail with the subject line: bulk cheap viagra!!..."
then i want to rescue their towers from their abusive environments.. not to mention poor ventilation..

after some breathing exercises, i try to think of alternate theories...
maybe they aren't calling me becuz they really want to know the answer to their "questions"..
but rather, they just want someone who will hear their complaints..
and for once, they will get a response other than, "i don't know"..

in addition to my own theory...
i only ask that they consider the possibility that it really isn't their tower...
or the program, or the internet, or the idea "i was just minding my own business when it just froze up on me.."
maybe it's them... their lack of consideration to maintain their overpriced towers...
it's like ignoring the red oil can beaming brightly underneath their speedometer..
by jeebus, they pay an arm and a leg, god forbid they defrag once in awhile...

my hope? that one day i'll browse cnn and there will be an article:
family computer bursts into flames from lack of maintenance...