back at my parents home...
it's funny... this used to be "my" home not too long ago..
now, it's ... not.
my old room feels bare.. and a bit foreign..
even the stuff i left behind looks awkwardly out of place...
almost as if they don't belong to me anymore..
as if they were once a part of a life that time has no record of......

underneath all the cooking (a skill which i'm still working on...), cleaning, and running a business..
i'm still here.. surprisingly in one piece...
slowly but surely i'm slipping into the role of "korean wife"...
it's rocky territory, but i'm into a good challenge...

the wedding went off without a hitch...
well, the cake fell over...
but it was hours before the wedding and albertsons was kind enough to redo the two top tiers...

..............it's been about 80 hours since we said "i do.."
and the identity of "wife" still hasn't set in..
but i guess that'll come with time...
at least he doesn't snore or grind his teeth...
i'm also grateful for my in-laws...
they're great down-to-earth people who are respectful but not over-the-top traditional... very understanding individuals...
then again, knowing their son, they've got to be understanding..

tryin to keep my head above water...
no bridesmaids, no best men, no frills..
if i had it my way, it'd be me, him, our parents, and a priest on some far away beach...
but no...
they want to invite people and make tons of food...

*sigh*
sometimes being busy can make u so exhausted, all u can do is cry...
and sometimes being busy just makes u laugh...
in a sanity-questionable-i-belong-in-an-asylum kind of way...

drove to seattle...
thru rain and wind...
picked out rings and watches...
i'm so glad i'm not excessively picky...
but he's more glad...

oh yeah... for those that are wandering in darkness,
i'm gettin hitched...

d-day: october 2, 2004

well... it's 9-eleven... again...
and again we remember horrid images of deeds of misguided men...
at the same time, i'm moved to the realization that inconceivable acts of violence happen everyday, every second somewhere in the world...

may those victims find solace in the fact that their loved ones will always remember them..
and may we also take a moment for those who unwillingly remain unknown..
rest in peace...

one of the things i love best is...
a quiet house...
which can only be done when i'm home alone......

i have learned silence from the talkative,
toleration from the intolerant,
and kindness from the unkind;
yet, strange, I am ungrateful to those teachers.

- kahlil gibran

ok... so i haven't blogged in awhile... i know..
alot has been going on... for those of u who know.. know..
but it hasn't been easy..
let's just say that sometimes... just sometimes..
i hate being so understanding..
this open perspective of empathy...
it's really very... absolutely fucking tiring...

with great power comes great responsibility

i like questionnaires...
they shed light on dark corners..
and give way to more questions..

21 questions

1) grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 18, find line 4:
"what do you suppose he can want now?"
ayn rand - the fountainhead

2) stretch your left arm out as far as you can. what do you touch first?
halogen lamp

3) what is the last thing you watched on TV?
csi:miami

4) without looking, guess what the time is?
2:30am

5) now look at the clock, what is the actual time?
2:45am

6) with the exception of the computer, what can you hear?
music from my headphones

7) when did you last step outside? what were you doing?
midnight ice cream run with my cousin..

8) before you came to this website, what did you look at?
old pictures

9) what are you wearing?
jammies

10) did you dream last night?
i dream every night..

11) when did you last laugh?
earlier, looking at pictures..

12) seen anything weird lately?
depends on what would constitute as weird..
there is always something weird in my house..

13) last movie you saw?
secondhand lions...

14) if you became a multi-millionaire overnight, what would you buy first?
pay off my parent's house..

15) tell me something about you that i don't know:
i actually enjoy walking, even though i fuss about it..

16) if you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt or politics, what would you do?
i'd get rid of money..

17) do you like to dance?
who doesn't? even people without rhythm like to dance..

18) george bush:
jackass.. need i say more?

19) imagine your first child is a girl, what do you call her?
a name that shares meaning with the moon..

20) [same question for a boy]
a name that shares meaning with the sun..

21) Would you ever consider living abroad?
hmmm.. i guess so...
i'd have difficulty living somewhere without running water and toilets..

a few days ago a person who i consider my twin soul was in a terrible car accident..
by the looks of her car, they say she shouldn't have survived..
but she did..

for this, i am angry..
for this, i am sad..
for this, i am relieved..
for this, i am grateful..

for this, i love her more..

i know...
there are pictures where i really don't look good at all..
but i keep them anyway..
i try to keep every single picture..
good or bad..
even those with people who i no longer associate with and, in some cases, don't remember their names..
or even those with people i don't like..

i keep them anyway...

bourne again shell (bash)
bourne (sh)
korn (ksh)
c shell (csh)
by the seashore...
welcome to intro to unix...

the first few weeks of an intro class to any geek subject is always a bit tedious... =P

maybe i should get a taxi license (or whatever the correct term)...
and double-tape a meter to the dashboard..
cuz i have been doing way too much driving lately...
they need to develop that star trek transporter thing soon..
either that or i'm gonna start charging people... cha-ching!!

i cannot believe this...
well, actually i can..
but tickets for michael moore's fahrenheit 9/11 are sold out thru monday the 28th..
although that's just at my local theatre,
i'm fairly sure that that is a reflection of other theatres across the nation..

i pulled this from my cousin's xanga site...
looked kinda fun... now i'm not so sure..

layer one: on the outside

name: sally kim
birthdate: 09-25-78
birthplace: Anchorage, AK
current location: Vancouver, WA
eye color: brown
hair color: black
righty or lefty: righty, but i'm not so sure about this question...hmm
zodiac sign: libra.. (chinese zodiac: horse)

layer two: on the inside

your heritage: korean-american (whatever that's supposed to mean lately)
shoes you wore today: sandals
your weakness: myself
your fears: horror movies
your perfect pizza: thai chicken pizza from california pizza kitchen (bellevue)
goal you'd like to achieve: great job, great husband, great kids..

layer three: yesterday, today, tomorrow

your most overused phrase on instant messenger: =P
your thoughts first waking up: where the f*** am i???
your best physical feature: my feet...
your bedtime: whenever wherever however...whatever it takes, i will get my sleep..
your most missed memory: skipping classes with friends and going for drives~

layer four: your pick

pepsi or coke: coke
mcdonald's or burger king: mcdonalds
single or group dates: Both
adidas or nike: adidas
lipton ice tea or nestea: lipton
chocolate or vanilla: chocolate
cappuccino or coffee: coffee

layer five: do you?

smoke: used to..
cuss: hell yes!! but i try to respect those that don't enjoy it as much as me..
single: yeah.. i've got enough stress..
take a shower everyday: why??
have a crush(es): sure, why not.. they're less maintenance than real relationships~
think you've been in love: i like to think so..
liked high school: sure, it wasn't bad.. i actually had a good time..
want to get married: someday.. in a land far far away~
believe in yourself: yeah.. except for that other voice in my head.. i can't trust her..
get motion sickness: whenever i'm not driving..
think you're attractive: hmmm, i'd like to think i'm attractive.. cuz i don't think i'm fugly..
think you're a health freak: hahahaha...that's funny..the krispy kreme donuts in my digestive system are laughing too
get along with your parents: sometimes..
like thunderstorms: yeah.. i like it when nature yells back..(except for when she goes on a destructive rampage.. but then again, humans have been destructive for years)
play an instrument: piano... btw, i'm looking to buy one.. anyone selling?

layer six: in the past month

drank alcohol: well, i gotta do something now that i'm not doing drugs or smoking
done a drug: i've been pretty clean for 4 years.. yay~
gone on a date: sure
gone to the mall: a few times..
been on stage: oh dear god, no..
eaten an entire box of oreos: ewwww..
eaten sushi: no.. i miss it..
been dumped: in the past month? nope..
gone skating: nope.. i'm contemplating whether or not i really want bruises on my ass
gone skinny dipping: never...
dyed your hair: no, but i've recently received complaints that my hair is too black..
stolen anything: no..

layer seven: ever

played a game that required removal of clothing: no.. i tend to stay away from those kinds of situations..
been trashed or extremely intoxicated: yuppers..
been caught "doing something": doing wut? gotta be more specific~
been called a tease: i don't think i am, but some may beg to differ..
gotten beaten up: no.. and if i ever do, the other person is gonna look a helluva lot worse.. trust me
shoplifted: no.. too much guilt..
changed who you were to fit in: if anything, i tried not to fit in..

layer eight: getting older

age you hope to be married: hopefully before 30, but who knows and who cares.. if it happens, it happens.. if it don't, well, u get the idea
numbers of children: 2, one of my own and one adopted..
describe your dream wedding: a place with my man, our family, and our friends..
how do you want to die: in my sleep..
what do you want to be when you grow up: me.. no substitutions or preservatives
what country would you most like to visit: antarctica

layer nine: in a gal/guy

best eye color: hazel, green, or brown
best hair color: anything dark..
short or long hair: short
height: taller than me, but not too tall..
best first date location: anywhere together??
articles of clothing: as long as they're wearing clothes..

layer ten: in the numbers

number of people i could trust with my life: that's a powerful question.. perhaps i'm too trusting or i'm lucky but after much thought the number comes in at 8 or 9..
number of cd's i own: i haven't counted in a long time.. but i believe my last count was somewhere over 200 give or take 50..
number of piercings: two closed.. cuz i stopped wearing earrings when i was about 10..
number of tattoos: none, but i did think about it for a minute
number of times my name has appeared in the Newspaper?: once that i recall, but my memory is shady..
number of scars on my body: like i have time to count.. i don't even know where half of them come from
number of things in my past that I regret: zero, zilch, nada

boxes

i like boxes
there's something about boxes
from reinforced layers of steel to cardboard shoeboxes

boxes are good for moving shtuff around
they're good for holding secrets
if u don't know what to give someone, give 'em a box
u just can't go wrong with a box

they're very useful...
dead people are stored in boxes
the evil stepmother wanted snow white's heart in a box
we live in boxes, albeit some are more elaborate than others..
nonetheless a box..
pandora had a box..

big boxes, small boxes, skinny and fat boxes
they can appear quite sturdy on the exterior
but u just don't know what u'll find on the inside
but that's the chance that we have to take

i've come across a variety of boxes thus far
some i've kept
some i've lost
some great and some not so hot
but i refuse to regret any one of them

what kind of box are u?

ever since high school i've been shlepping people around..
among my friends, i was one of the first to have a car..
and they put it to good use..

drove my aunt and cousin up to seattle yesterday..
and i have to escort them back down..

i am sparta...ah screw it..
i am underpaid, overworked daughter of yellow parents..

on the bright side...100 posts.. (yay!)

went to jimmy mak's last night with some friends..
saw and listened to the amazing karrin allyson..
saturday, june 12 is her last night at jm's...
it's 20 bucks, but she's well worth it..

jimmy mak's came highly recommended..
the food was delish.. the musak sublime..
and the service.. it didn't even feel like service..
it felt more like i knew the guy that ran the place..
really comfortable atmostphere..

we had a great time..
and i'd definitely frequent the establishment again..

without music life would be a mistake -friedrich wilhelm nietzsche-

lately i've been having these really peculiar dreams..
i'm in some social setting.. church, school, etc..
everything's completely normal..
no disfigured faces, no cars driving off bridges..

all of a sudden i lose consciousness and fall to the floor..
this has never happened to me in the entire 25 years of my existence..
it's kind of a frightening thought..
even when got so piss drunk on my birthday that i couldn't walk or open my eyes,
i was very aware of my environment and remember everything that happened that evening up until the point i was comfortably in my bed and blissfully asleep..

so this kind of vision is almost like a nightmare for me..
the possibility that i could unwillingly lose control of myself is unsettling..
it's only a dream, i know..

i just watched bowling for columbine recently..
it's ironic.. i just wrote a paper for one of my classes..

my objective:

saying that I'm asian american doesn't quite cut it for me anymore. i intend to explore (re-search) what being asian american means to me and how it has shaped the person i am today. i believe this sort of analysis is imperative to shed light on who i am and who i want to be.

what i actually ended up doing was re-evaluating my split personality..
namely, korean me and american me..
and i sort of got disappointed in american me..

Charles Clark cites two different points of view in his article "The New Immigrants." The first is from journalist Georgie Anne Geyer who "blasts immigrants and government policies that encourage immigrants to view citizenship as an opportunity for economic benefits rather than civic responsibility." She continues to criticize by warning how this "will destroy America as we have known it and substitute a very different country, one that is spiritually incoherent, humanly conflict-ridden and economically hobbled." On the other hand John Fonte defends multiculturalism with, "Our goal should be Americanization, stated clearly without apology and without embarrassment.... Americanization does not mean giving up our ethnic traditions, customs, cuisine or birth languages. It means patriotic assimilation."

whatever our goal, it seems that we need to redefine america or perhaps we never defined america in the first place... it just sort of came to be...

"Give me your tired, your poor, Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free, The wretched refuse of your teeming shore; Send these, the homeless, tempest-tost to me, I lift my lamp beside the golden door"

we have permitted politics, capitalism, and, as michael moore demonstrated, fear to cloud our judgment of what we dream of america to be.
this is neither my american nor is it any one person's america; this is our ancestors', ours and the multitudes' that will come after us..

bowling for columbine strongly confirmed what i've been thinking for the past few months, but couldn't quite formulate into one train of thought..
that there's something seriously wrong with the direction of the country i call home..
there's bush, there's the war, there's the sorry state of this nation, and then there's me..
me who has never made a conscious effort to find out what the hell is going on..
well, no more..