blank...

a blank page is always daunting.. it stares at u with its blank eyes..
it's like trying to fill an empty box... ur intention is to neatly stack items so that the arrangement is aesthetically pleasing, but what u end up doing is just chaotically dumping everything in...

it becomes one big, indistinguishable pile of crap...

lately, i sit down to type and i stare at the blank page and my mind becomes a reflection of it... blank

of course, i could always just awoiehgaiejb2813479186t893ygofihdjknvmc ... mind vomit.

back to the drawing board..

goodnight and good morning.

kids and other influences...

i have a 2nd cousin.. my cousin's daughter... N
in yellow terms, she's called my niece..

she's a giggler, silly, very resilient (for a 6yr old)... rarely whines (c'mon, what 6yr old doesn't?)...
she's just a great kid...
has manners (when she remembers too),
is considerate of others,
she has this energy that knows no bounds,
and there's a quiet (occasionally not so quiet) determination that will give rise to something great one day..

my cousin, who is more like my sister, raised a wonderful child..
our tainted up-bringing gave her the tools necessary to give N a loving, psychosis-free home..

i, on the other hand, am unable to promise that i could give my child the same, if i were to have a child..
keyword: if

goodnight and good morning..

nobody there..

wow, it's been nearly 5 years since my last post..

alot, ALOT, has happened.. SO much that i can't even remember where or when to begin..

my head is a jumbled mess... much like the attic of an old lady living with 20 feral cats..

but the past is just that, in the PAST... must move forward..

which, somehow, brings me here... it's ironic, i know..

blogging is such a thing of the past, u say~

and if i'm to move forward, why am i back to this, u ask~

because, i feel like i'm losing my mind.. no, really..

i find myself repeatedly asking myself what day of the week it is... over the coarse of one day...

pausing for a moment, searching for the answer...

and then reassuring myself that it's sunday, as if i knew all along...

oh wait, no, it's monday... definitely monday..

and the solution to my problem? back to blogging..

why not scribble into a journal?

or the plethora of social media for that matter..

because, somehow, typing is soothing.. easier to edit, go back and clarify one's thoughts.. the quiet tappity, tap, tap... delete, delete... tap tap tap...

as for social media, it has its uses... but i don't need to remind my friends on a daily basis that i'm not all there...

so, there it is.. i'm back..

for how long? who knows...

goodnight.. and good morning..