driving: seattle vs portland #1

when changing lanes, the blinker...

in portland means, 실례합니다~
and
in seattle means, 비켜!!!

what is it with kids today and this "i'm booOoored" business...
i admit, as a child, i was quite the lil' hellraiser,
please, correct me if i'm wrong,
but i don't recall being so rude...

eeeeyesss!!
i'm done!! *sniffle*
finals are over.
now that it's over and i'm contemplating on what to do next,
i've realized it's not a good thing,
becuz now i've got to do everything that i put off doing this past quarter.
and the circle of torture begins once again.
*throw my hands up* i give up!

what on bart's green earth...??

just when i've seen every trick in the book...
i bitch and whine about the instructor...
and irony violently shoves a toothpick in my eye...

...i got a 97..
(don't fret, that's only on a test...
i'll get an overall grade far less than that..)

perhaps i should b & w more often...

i won't say who,
but i've got an instructor who i'm very unhappy with..
and i know i'm not the only one who feels this way..
lesson plans are pretty much non-existant..
this person is mostly unprepared to answer students' questions..
frankly, why anyone even ask questions is beyond me,
halfway thru the so-called explanation, this person gets lost..
the "method" is to try 3 different methods before coming up with the right answer..
and then have next to no clue how one got there...
gives out 20 question exams to be done in less than 50 min,
which is not nearly enough time..

furthermore,
who does one have to sleep with to get a freakin parking spot around here?!?!?!
i'd have a better chance of winning the lottery...

don't bother me, it's red day.

holy swiss cheese batman!
it's snowing donkeys and camels!
lookin out my window, the weather has fast forwarded to christmas morning..
my dad is more excited than i am...
class is pretty much canceled..
and i'm going back to sleep.

oops, she's done it again..
sorry, but role model, she is not...

"...you know, people have to realize you're human just like anyone else and people have to give you a break a little," she said."

i think u have to have quite a lack of brain cells to muster up a collaboration of words such as that...
(somehow i doubt smoking and drinking alone could make a person void of intellect, then again, ya think she had brain matter to begin with?)
someone should get her this for christmas.. better yet, why wait? she should get one now..
i don't presume to have a strong grasp of this backwards language, but then again, i don't claim to be a role model either...

and furthermore, we don't have to do jack shit...

quick note:

according to the gematriculator, this site is 59% evil and 41% good...
furthermore, wwys says that my soul is worth about $19,028.26..
and that 72% of people have a purer soul than me...

ain't life grand?

anyone who knows me, knows that i'm a tv addict...
so i'm watching a re-run of "8 simple rules"..
it's the first episode without john ritter... with the funeral, etc.,
and it's one of the saddest moments i've known...

and it's not becuz the character played by ritter is gone..
it's the fact that we know ritter himself is gone forever...

whenever i felt kick-the-dirt-punch-the-wall-hide-in-my-closet mad, it was my dad that could always make me laugh..
what's more, he could make me laugh about whatever it was i was irately pissed about...
and in that same spirit... the comedy of john ritter had the same effect...

i guess what hit me was, someday he'll be gone too...
i just hope it's much later than sooner...

oh come now...
microsoft might as well put up a big-ass sign on their front lawn (and their lawn is huge) that reads: hackers beware!..
and if they ever catch these vigilantes they can mount their heads on shish kebab skewers and offer them at their next power luncheon....
(... ewww, totally makes me picture klingons devouring meat and blood..)

this whole stunt just reeks of bully-ism...
and keeps supporting the image that they'd rather shell out half a million than actually fix the problems..
they are all too aware of the flaws, but they choose to ignore them so they can sell it in their next upgrade or version at prices that make buying a whole new system with windows pre-installed more cost effective...

c'mon... the fact that u avoid fixing software issues... not because u can't, but for money, only fuels the fire for these virus artists.....
so don't blame them... blame ur greed for the green...

jeebus crisco...
it's *bleep* *bleep* *bleep*in' cold!!! (enter choice profanity)
usually i'll stand to walk across campus to get to the library
cuz i don't wanna move my car in fear of losing the parking spot...
but today was too damn cold and if u know me... too damn lazy...
so i moved my car..
then i didn't wanna get outta my car cuz the heater was on..
but then the heat quickly dissipated after i turned the engine off..
so basically, i was forced to remove my ass (along with my other body parts) outta my vehicle and scurry to the nearest building with heat..

look, all i'm saying is if it's going to get any colder than this,
it oughta snow...
cuz damn if i'm going to go thru this snippy weather for nothing..

complain, complain, complain..
yes, that's me...
so screw u.

once again, the US State Department finds itself in the awkward position of head-up-ass..

web sites targeted as terror groups..

so, this is a democracy?
who voted for that shit?
i certainly didn't... did u?

why do i seem slightly pissed off?
let me tell ya why..
cuz it says US State Department and i'm a US citizen..
sure, i may not condone every little bit that those dipshits on capital hill do,
but i've always been one to stand in their defence cuz some of them are only doing the best they can...
but when they find themselves stuck in the sphincters of their asses,
i find myself lacking the desire to show my face anywhere overseas,
cuz they've managed to paint this huge bulls-eye on my person..
(i wouldn't be surprised if larry flynt decided to spearhead the movement for free speech for internet..)

but, don't be dumb..
i'm not advocating any sort of rage fueled movements...
but i do believe in the right to free speech,
as well as the idea that if we condemn and target one aspect of speech, then it contradicts the whole concept of free speech...

my birthday recently flew by,
i say it flew cuz i would have forgotten it had it not been for my mother reminding me the day before..
although, that didn't help much, considering i just cruised through the day just like any other day...

and then it bitch-slapped me today...
from sheer boredom, i participated in an online survey…
towards the end they asked me to select the age group i belonged to..
i’ve always been in the habit of clicking on the button next to: 18-24
but i stopped myself today and realized that i can no longer do that…
i must now pick the age group: 25-30…

this bites.

so far,
jam master jay, gregory hines, john ritter, mr rogers, bob hope,
and now robert palmer... (just to name a few..)
what is this world coming to?
great, now we're just going to be left with britney spears, justin timberlake and p.diddy..
and the riaa wonders why people keep pirating music..*bleh*

once again, another fun filled year of school will begin on monday..
and whatya know?
i gotta take more math..
not just ur stroll thru the park on a crisp autumn morning math,
but the breed that will suck ur brain cells dry and leave ur paralyzed body twitching..
yes, that's right folks: calculus...
and not just this quarter, but next quarter as well...

i guess i'm just lucky *shrug*

u know when u've started to settle in when the ol' net connection is werkin..
yeah... houses are nice...
more space to roll around = more space to maintain..
but i won't complain, it took an arm and a leg to get here..
whose arm and leg, i won't say~

watching the news with my dad..
a new krispy kreme has recently opened up in hillsboro...
and there were so many cars in line for the donuts,
that they had to close a major road (cornell)

dad: crazy people.. out of all the places i've been to, i think portland has the most fat people..
me: i think it's the state of the whole country...

thing is, my dad's not racist or highly judgmental.. he's just very honest..
and of course he'd never be so rude as to tell it to someone's face..

but he's got a point... where is this country headed to??
not that i support the stick-anemic-boulimic-glamour-hollywood look..
but i don't support the 400-pound-can't-walk-to-the-bathroom-much-less-sit-on-the-toilet figure...
i'm all about loving and accepting urself..
but why not be a little health conscious??

here... have some fruit

warning: don't get twisted if u don't get it... it's meant to be an asian thing..

3 soldiers and 1 general...stranded on an island...
a german soldier, an american one, & a korean guy

the general says to the german soldier, "You! Go build a raft, so we can get off this island!"
to the american soldier, "Go scrounge up some food!"
and to the korean soldier, "Go find some supplies!!"

so they branch out to do their tasks..
after a short period of time the general starts searching for them to check on their progress...

he gets to the german as he's skillfully tying planks of wood together and he compliments, "good job! we'll get off this island in no time!"
the general and the german go searching for the american. they find him with his arms full of wild fruit. he too is complimented for a job well done.

then the three of them go searching for the korean soldier, but he cannot be found. finally, after an exhausting search the general exclaims, "where the hell is this guy?" and all of a sudden, the korean soldier jumps out of the bushes proclaiming:

"SURPRISE!!"

i love being a geek..
meet Hektor...

so we're preparing to move...
lots o' boxes.. lots o' cheap duct tape...
and lots o' shtuff lying everywhere...

and i've broken my first nail..
bleh.
oh well... one down. nine more to go~ boo-ya~

oh man... the world has lost a great great man...
gregory hines... may he rest in peace

my two cents

pam celebrated her 110th anniversary by hosting the korean art & culture day (considering it’s also been about 100 years since koreans have immigrated to the good ‘ol usa)

while the gallery exhibition was small, it was well organized with pieces from the early dynasties to a number of contemporary pieces...
they also showed a movie call chi-hwa-seon (취화선), directed by Im Kwon-Taek (임권택), a very well known Korean director..
it was a highly artistic film based on the life of a korean painter (i wouldn’t have expected less from a cannes festival winner)...
if i could say one thing about it, they could have put a little notice somewhere before entering the theatre, cuz the movie had a couple of rather risqué scenes.. (i have to say, it was interesting watching it from my seat between my mother and my father. i swear, nowadays i have to conduct screenings before watching anything with them...)
nevertheless, we came away feeling artistically satisfied and justified~

although, i was slightly disappointed in the lack of korean people...
other than the performers and members of the korean consulate,
there was an elderly couple, a few small children with a chaperone,
a couple of korean women who were accompanied by their american friends or mate,
and then there were the american parents who brought their adopted korean children along with their good intentions of exposing them to the culture of “the land of the morning calm”...

while the majority of the korean-american population is out there working, making money...
alright. that’s a judgemental stereotypical observation, but as a 2nd generation ko-am i’ve got a few issues..

for one: our parents
they came over here and worked to the bone to make their restaurant/dry-cleaner/mini-mart successful so they could give their children the kind of opportunities that were unavailable to them as a child..
it’s not so that they could live and eat well.. it’s all for the 2nd gen (insert major guilt power here)
at the same time, they tried to bring their culture with them in a form comparable to spicy cabbage (everything they suggest in a hot tempered fashion is “good for u”)

we became their link. their translators.
at 12 yrs old: read the manual, fix the fax machine
at 15 yrs old: translate the epa documentation,
now, at 24, i balance their accounts, make sure their business licenses are renewed, and translate the news about the bank robber on channel 8.. i’m their live-in personal assistant..

which is fine! but the more we expose ourselves to the american way of life the more the contrasting aspects seem increasingly attractive (except for wearing ur shoes around the house)..
at the same time we must come home to our traditional customs..
for those of u living it, u know.. but for those who don’t, it’s difficult to explain in words..
it’s not like the boxes inlaid with mother-of-pearl or our beautiful traditional dress..
asians don’t like to air their dirty laundry.. they strive to make things look perfect on the outside, while the interior decorating needs some serious feng shui harmony..
they’ll easily admit that every family has problems, but their rice-on-paper stubbornness won’t allow them to acknowledge that they are no exception..

but i’m getting off track.. again..
what i’m trying to say is that u can’t expect us to live in this country without adopting some, if not a lot, of its beliefs and dreams of freedom, honesty, and independence..
we don’t live in korea and many 2nd gen-ers don’t even know what korea is like except for what we experience at home, which usually isn’t the whole story..
don't try to wipe out everything that happened before u immigrated here..
it’s not about the good and the bad.. it’s about the history that u owe us..
there’s so much more to korea that’s beautiful, historical, and full of fire and inspiration..

for two: 2nd generation korean-americans
don’t think i was just going to let u off that easy..
we, the 2nd gen have a significant role in all of this.. we are the changing of the guards..
we will be the transforming link between our parents and the next generation..
the “when in rome, do as romans do” mentality is only about the “do” not the “know”..
we have a responsibility to actively know and share the rich culture we come from with our children, our friends, anyone willing to listen..

i’ve ceased to count the number of times a 2nd gen has told me they regret not paying attention in korean language class..
regret not being able to read or write..
recognizing a few lines of conversation is no longer enough..
“i don’t know” just doesn’t feel like the appropriate response to “what is korea like?”
in extreme cases, we end up feeling like half a person..
we live the american life but look in the mirror and see something that doesn’t look so american..

we need to dig past our parents’ “i had to walk 10 miles in rain, sleep, & snow” and get to the nitty gritty of our roots..
i admit.. i speak korean at the level of a 7th grader, my writing capabilities are even less, and don’t even start on reading..
but, i’ve tried and i’m going to keep plowing ahead..
c’mon.. we’ve got to give our kids something to look back on besides our neurotic lives..

my ip address: 4.5.67.89
either verizon dsl thought this'd be funny..
or it's some extremely strange fluke of mother ‘net…

finally! it rains! rain, glorious rain!
this isn’t ur ordinary 5 minute trickle…

this is the full blown
i-come-in-the-middle-of-the-night,
indian rain dance (feathers, not dots),
can’t see shit while i’m driving,
singing in the rain,
musical pitter patter,
stay inside with a warm cup of tea or soup & curl up with a good book,
slip on them galoshes and jump into the biggest puddle u can find,
open wide and tilt ur head back
rain.

now, say that in one breath.

i enjoy a good trek to my local public library..
and just like the bus,
u meet all sorts of interesting, annoying, and frightning characters there...
one may also encounter odors that stimulate the olfactory organs in ways inconceivable..

the geek computer books are neatly situated in the last row of the non-fiction section..
in the space after this last row sits 2 rows of computers,
which visually makes this area seem a bit crowded..

about 6 feet from the end of the row of 'puters are a couple of chairs... i sat down to browse a few books...
when suddenly, i *sniff sniff* noticed a pungently sickly sweet aroma..
i looked up and along comes a man who throws down his backpack and sits down in front of one of the empty terminals..
(notice, i could smell him before he came into plain view)
to describe this man, i ask u to visualize pigpen from charlie brown..
only he's probably older than 40 (i couldn't really tell from the thick layer of soot and dirt)...

as i'm regaining consciousness..
(i'll put it this way: standing next to a full dumpster smells better than this guy...)
two ladies approach the empty terminal next to mr. pigpen..
and i was hoping that in blocking my view of him, they'd somehow deter the odor from knocking me out again...
but the current from the a.c. blew the stench through them straight to me...

somehow i forced myself to stand up and leave...
and now that i think about mr. pigpen, i wonder if he was homeless...
u just don't see too many homeless guys browsing the net...
but if i were to see him again, i'd want to be equipped with a gas mask...odor-rific!

i was at this little thrift store today, like goodwill..
(apparantly sponsored by the salvation army)
anywho...
i was looking for something my mom wanted me to look for...
and ended up browsing books next to a mom and her little boy of about 7 maybe 8 years?

he was an animated, curious, expressive, happy little boy,
(not at all ur bouncing-off-the-wall ritalin kid)...
he was saying things like
"hmmm, wut books can i look at.."
"where are the kids' books?"
"oh, here they are!"
" *gasp* mom, i've never read this berenstain book before! i don't think we have this at home!"
"do you think we can buy this? how much does it cost?"

when kids start going into question mode, i find myself annoyed and impatient...
but surprisingly enough, his tone of curiosity mixed in with pure childlike honesty was comforting and could make me forget about the 90 degree weather and saddam hussein...

meanwhile, a young 30-something dad comes from the clothes rack with a terry cloth multi-colored robe...

dad: here, try this on..
son: wut is it? where's the dressing room?
dad: u don't need a dressing room..
son: (starts to remove his clothing)
dad: u don't need to take ur clothes off, u can try it on over ur clothes...
son: oh, well, wut is this?
dad: it's a robe..
son: a robe? oh!! i can wear this in the rain!! i can wear this in the rain, right?
dad: u wear it after u get out of the shower, so u don't run around naked all the time, dude...
son: (puts the hood over his head) i can use this to dry my hair! cool! i won't need a towel!.....

i felt like an anthropologist observing homo functional-familia at their best...
and i wanted to walk over to them, give them hugs, and tell them wut a great job they were doing...
but i decided not to...
as an anthropologist one should observe without seeking to change or disturb the environment...
so instead, i just smiled and walked away knowing the world isn't so bad.....

i saw finding nemo tonight...
no, i won't write some rave review telling u to go and see it...
but i'll just say this: i love pixar.

and this... think dirty thoughts...

"how are you?" has become such an inane question..
now we say it just to be moderately polite...
it has merged with "hello" and morphed into "hellohowru"..
it's not even a question anymore..

for several years now, whenever people asked me that question,
i would reply, "well, i'm alive.."
i refused to return the "fineandu?"..
cuz: 1. i'd be lying... and 2. i didn't really give a rat's behind how the other person was...

today when i was asked .. "how are u?",
for the first time in decades, i responded with, "i'm happy"...
not like instant ramen...which one could eat faster than it was made...
but all-day-feel-good-do-good-joy... even if my day has gone awry..
the kind that lasts until the next day and drools over to the following week...

and now that i've had a taste of what true happiness could be like..
i don't want to settle for anything less...
i don't want to go back to just breathing...
i want to inhale life...

verizon should come up with a new commercial...

was it good for u? good!

today i made a contribution to the community & to my life..
i went downtown, viewed the neato sand sculptures,
made a monetary donation to kids on the block, and had a spicy dog..

and what's more, i did all this with my mother...
all i can say is that i'm still alive & sanity intact..
it's all still very surreal...
... the waking dream....

on a funny note, here's a tidbit of what transpired today:

me: so, where's dad?
mom: (sic) to hit the ball... (that means golf)
me: (no response)
mom: (sing-song voice, getting louder) to hit the ball~~~
random guys sitting on the wall surrounding pioneer square: to hit the bong???
me: (thinking to myself, just keep walking)

luckily she thought they were repeating her,
so i didn't have to lie and say i didn't know what a bong is...

waking up at 5am makes me crajee enough to want breakfast.
this is not my idea of a friday.

i can try to think of something witty to say to this,
but i'm sure u can come up with something better...
all i want to say is that i can't believe it took them this long to come up with some sort of answer..

there's something about graveyards..
they don't need to put up signs telling drivers to proceed slowly..
the conscious knowledge of dead bodies dispersed everywhere is more than enough to keep my foot on the brakes..

the neatly kept grass, tall ancient trees, and strategically planted bushes..
peaceful. quiet. watching the clouds roll by.
people come and go with their flowers to pay respect to their loved ones..
i can't help but wonder who will visit my grave..
although i'd rather be cremated and scattered into the sea..

i don't think it's morbid..
if anything it makes me grateful that i'm alive and kicking..
and how i'll refuse to go gentle into that good night..
rage, rage against the dying of the light..
go out with a bang..
and i expect people to throw a big bash when i'm gone...
i just wouldn't have it any other way...

this was yesterday's horoscope (from yahoo):
you may need some time alone today, dear libra, to bring yourself back to center
independence is a key buzzword, so keep it in your back pocket at all times
make sure you are not becoming a victim of a commitment you made long ago
as the landscape changes, we must also change
stubborn actions will be extremely detrimental on a day like this
be honest and grateful for the things you have

but someone got their stars crossed cuz that should be today's...
i don't usually believe in them...and i seek to read them even less...
but these days the coincidences are plenty
and are too frequent to seem like meaningless events that happen to occur at the same precise moment..
there must be planets in alignment, pigs flying, cats barking, and dogs meowing....
whatever is happening, i can only hope that it will continue in abundance..

btw, the total eclipse will be on november 23, 2003..
and they say the best place to see it will be from antarctica

great. as if we don't already have the middle east against us.
with this the whole world can fear us or at the very least watch us make complete jackasses out of ourselves....

sometimes i wish i was homeless..
no money, no taxes, no obligations, no responsibilities, no, no, no, and more no.

but what keeps me from that life of carelessness?
the thought of abundant body odor... that's what.

hot hot and more hot
today is one of those days when it is highly undesirable to be standing/sitting close to someone.. anyone
and if you step outside you will most likely end up inhaling people's body odors...
which is, among other things, unpleasant.

so i have barricaded myself inside with my longtime friend a.c.
and while it’s not cool in here…
it is much cooler than 94 degrees, which is more than i can ask for.

in 2.4 sec my desk can explode into world war III
and it takes 2 days to resolve the issue...
hold up.
does that mean i have the potential to stop a war in just a few days?

once again, i'm getting way ahead of myself...

today was my 1st day of summer
so what did i do?
baked in the sun for a good hour,
gabbed on the phone with a longtime friend for another hour,

then, i did it. i cleaned house.
vacuum. trash. dust. bathroom.
and yup, you guessed it. bacteria on toilet.
to top things off, i had time to shave my legs in refreshing cold H20..
and the day's not over yet!

i'm feelin good~

when i've got a cold, my taste buds do 1 of 2 things..

1. they lose all will to live and everything tastes like cardboard
or
2. they decide to mess with me and everything tastes like something else.
beef tastes like chicken.. ginger crackers taste like peanut butter cookies...

either way the desire to eat is greatly diminished...

goodwill smells of lifesavers candy...

note to self: no more walking coatless in the rain.

it's been eons since my last cold.
for a minute there, i thought i was reaching nirvana..
but no... false alarm...
turns out to be a mild cold...
idiot... not you. me.

*sigh* this brings back memories of bacteria on toilet...

miles, mingus, & monk...
actually they played it monk, miles, then mingus...
but still an awesome combination..
in the presence of jazz greatness for a short period of time..
and for only $2!
now combine that with good company~
we should all be so fortunate~

jazz is x-tasy for music lovers...

reasons as to why i'm usually not awake before 12pm:

1. before 12pm there's a chance i'm not alone (i dislike waking up to annoying people)
2. i don't like breakfast
3. usually, i don't go to sleep till 3 or 4am. therefore, waking up before 12pm wouldn't fulfill the required 8hrs of sleep
4. there's a good chance i'll do something crakhed.. like drink wild cherry pepsi
5. whatever i'm downloading isn't done yet
6. people expect less
7. nothin good is on tv
8. lunch is better than breakfast
9. i'm just plain cranky
10. my eyes won't stay open

i splurged on a grande caramel macchiato today.
now my brain's chemical synapses are translating that into: toomuchcoffee
i keep forgetting i'm only 5ft 105lbs

i feel taller than i really am especially when a pair of pants don't fit me anymore..

then there's brian, who takes one step and i must take 2.5 steps just to keep up..
hence, it gives the illusion that he is a sloth, while i am a sloth on crack.
and only then do i notice things are not as proportionate as i had imagined

it's all about perspectives...

be proud of me...
i speed walked 4 miles today...
hopefully, this will become a trend...

a good friend/therapist told me the other day:
"you're so small, you can afford to grow bigger"

yes, well, that can only last so long...
considering how, at this point in my life, (actually it's been several years) i have ceased to grow vertically...
which means whatever i eat and whatever i don't physically do will cause me to expand horizontally...
on top of which i'm often told i can pass for a high school kid...
so, then i'd be considered to be among the thousands of obese children currently in the u.s. today.

where am i going with this?
i don't know exactly...
but now i have this huge craving for a big, fat, juicy mushroom jalepeno cheeseburger right now...

know of a good place??

i still have friends in anchorage...

it's a wonder cuz most of the people i know did what i did: got the hell outta there as soon as possible
and i did it cuz people before me fled too...
looking back, maybe the desire to escape was cuz my childhood wasn't exactly (psychologically) stable..
if i had actually paid attention i would have noticed Nature in all her beauty ...
just the word "scenery" doesn't do it justice.. "scenery" is what you see in a postcard...
yeah, it sounds sappy, but you actually have to be there...
... the smell of pine, the crisp snap of the twigs, the cool clean air, the dew sparkling in the sun… where everything conveys a natural simplicity..
…aurora borealis… the most awe-inspiring sunsets and sunrises… and the biggest damn stars i ever saw in my entire life…

i always felt cut off from the rest of the world.. living in hick-ville frozen hell,
but it’s exactly the kind of place you want to go when escaping from the world, it’s the kind of place you want to be when everything and everyone around you is too loud and complicated… the kind of place where you can take deep breaths and not worry about pollution..

don’t get me wrong, i wouldn’t want to live there for all the bubble gum in the world…
but now, it’s become the place where i’d like to escape to once in awhile…
it’s not home… but it’s where i got started…

okay.
drove 3 hours up to seattle today. at which point i was feeling pretty good cuz of my spiffy new tires. not that they transform the car into a delorian, but anything new just feels tingly, ya know?
the scenery was nice....
the one thing i will always love about Washington in general is the trees
lots and lots of em... big ones, small ones, some as big as ur head... trees, not coconuts.

on the way there:
- by far the most hideous looking frankenstein car i ever saw was the Pontiac aztec
- airdustrial way – evidently some1 must have thot that was clever...
- mcdonald's oil sludge coffee. accidently spilled some on myself, but it's like invisible ink, cuz somehow it blended in with my white shirt and that scares me.
- on a lighter note, driving to seattle, especially coming over the hill and slowly coming upon the downtown area grants a sense of anticipation. it feels like coming home.

while there:
- more people than i can count with my fingers and toes... much more.
- long walk. i think i did all the walking i can handle this month. plus, i did the dumbshit thing again. i wore these new heeled shoes and the result is 4 fresh blisters. oh, joy. thank you steve madden.
- anybody who knows me knows that i can tan in under 5 min. driving in the car for 3 hours.. well, i think u can imagine what that did to my left arm. but i think i evened it out sitting in the sun for 4 hours waiting for speaker after speaker.

and now, frank sinatra brings closure to my day...
moonriver wider than a mile, i'm crossing you in style someday
oh, the dream maker, you heart breaker, wherever you're going, i'm going your way
two drifters off to see the world
there's such a lot of world to see
we're after the same rainbow's end
waiting round the bend
my huckleberry friend
moonriver~ and me

every time after one of these things i go into reflection-mode
i'm utterly pathetic.
but i don't feel sorry for myself... or feel that i should be pitied.

most of the time i try to coach myself to think that these are the cards i've been dealt with and i just have to deal with them
the rest of the time i think that i wouldn't have turned back if it wasn't for him
i don't blame him...
sure he sits there and does nothing to try to change things, but he's convinced himself that there's nothing he can do.

while i still sit here hoping, believing, desperately needing for things to change.
i wonder, where did i go wrong? why just one? where do i go from here?
and then i miss them all over again, the people i had to leave behind.

she rants and raves about death all the time, but i doubt that she truly understands it. somehow, i think i understand it more than she does. i don’t care if there’s a heaven, hell, or afterlife of any kind, really. i just don’t want to be here. anywhere is better than here.

times like this and i really wish i was a fire-breathing dragon.

in about 5 hours we have to get ready to leave… drive 3 hours to get to my cousin’s graduation. he’s graduating with a ba in biochem, my previous major. the one i gave up on because i felt it wasn’t what i wanted. but i’m sure it’s what he wants and i’m proud of his accomplishment. on the other hand, it’s not what i wanted and somehow i had to work past the fear to stand up for myself and proclaim it. i call it honesty. she calls it disobedience. i call it bi-polarism. she calls it ‘not walking with god.’ i call it ‘unable to see reality if it slapped you in the face.’ she calls it ‘not reading the bible.’

then again, we could never agree on anything.

i don't care what anybody says.
friday the 13th fuckin sucks.

i am so not kidding...
earlier today this thought just popped into my head: i am dumbshit.
and i told a friend and she demanded: explain. now.
however, for the life of me, i couldn't figure out how or why something so random would enter my head..

now, 6 hours later, that message was from me in the future.
you know, the passat commercial and the future version guy calls his past and tells him to buy a passat?
that was me in the future telling the me in the now: i am dumbshit.

had an argument with the 13th apostle today... or waterboy's mom as my friends lovingly call her..
but now that it's over... in retrospect, i saw it coming.

hence, i am dumbshit

while waiting to get my tires changed...
i was scarfing down a polish hot dog today at costco's...
(i'm not all too concerned about my health)

when suddenly, it hit me.
it's friday the 13th!
it's ironic to think that one single day out of 365 is considered unlucky...
cuz sometimes it feels like everyday is unlucky.

well, it's official, a member of my own sex has asked me out on a date.
it's sad to say, i know but,
the first person to ask me out on a date in 2 years turns out to be a chick.
i am chick magnet.

in a way, it's flattering i suppose, in an ellen degeneres sort of way.
but i hope it doesn't turn out to be a trend...
*sigh* i didn't think it'd come down to this,
but i guess i have to get out there and go fishing before it does becomes a trend.
either that or join a nunnery.
which, by the way, turns out.... shakespearean nunnery = whorehouse.
and if they're gettin paid i see nothing wrong with it...
they spread enough disease in this world like Bacteria on Toilet, why not one more?

okay, so i haven't been eating for the past 3 days..
no, i'm not anorexic.
finals week got me weirded out...
anyways, what started with one day w/o a complete meal,
turned out to be 3 days...
what's worse was that, by the third day i wanted to eat..
but couldn't.
note to self: start with liquids before consuming solids.

on top of that, i found out that somehow the physiological need for food
out weighs the need for sleep,
that left me with tossing and turning.
which evidently leads me to leaving messages on bbses
for people who couldn't care less wut i thunk.

한사람
곳 있으면 이 땅위에 귀중한 사람이 사라집니다.
힘 과 평안함 으로 만들어진 사람이죠.
명예와 존경함이 넘친 분이시다
사랑과 진리로 가득찬 존재이며
항상 부지런 하며 아이의 마음씨와 같은 사람이시다.
그 분이 사라있었기에 내가 지금 이 자리에 앉아있다.
할아버지, 편히 쉬세요.

he's got parkinson's disease
we don't know when he'll go

there's a spider on my wall.
do i kill this one like the others and just leave them there?
so far there's 3 smooshed against the wall.
i should peel them off the wall and stick their little bodies on toothpicks.

maybe that'll fend them off.

or should i leave this one alone?
start facing my arachnaphobia???
now watch, murphy's law, this'll be the one that'll kill me.

this sob is going down.
umm... if i can find him.....................................

woo-hoo!!!! school's out, summer is here!!!
and they say it's gonna rain today.
but that's all good. no more calculus.
unless, i decide i need to take another hit to my gpa and i take vector calc.
at which time somebody outta bitch slap me right up side of my head
and i can already think of a choice number of people who'd do it anyways,
out of pure love. xoxoxo

finally, it's over...
well, actually, i have to go back and pay a stupid late book fine..
i wonder if they'll send the library police to hunt me down...

waking up in the middle of the night sucks...
one must wonder, what was so compelling as to wake oneself from sleep..
beautiful sleep...
ah yes, i haven't eaten for the past 2 days...
idiot stomach.
but wut can i do, right? hunger calls. must kill, oops, eat.

i dislike waiting for people to call back...
there's *cringe* my late nite headache...

earlier 2nite i saw the sunset and, for lack of a better word, it was cool..
watched until the last pixel of light died out..
it reminded me of the aurora borealis i saw when i was young(er)...
but, it wasn't, "wow, how awesome"
it was more, "ooh, pretty" and u stare at it like deer in headlights,
cuz you think if you blink your eyes for a second it'll disappear...

oh *ring* phone...